i cant sleep and ive got alot on my mind so i thought i would write to my blog.
i cant stop thinking about the day my mother died. and all the memories we had up until then..
if only she were here right now i prob wouldnt be writing this. i really miss her and still get a tear now and then.. im always thinking about her. and what she would be doing right now. its been about a month since she left. a month on my own. a month motherless. a month of pain and sorrow. a month without my mum. but yet ive still got the rest of my life without my mum. those days of getting married and having children will be the days that will make me sad to see my mum miss. i know shes watching over me. she may have left me. but she hasnt left my heart or mind. i hate the fact that she got hit with cancer. she doesnt deserve it. nobody does. its so sad how such a cruel deseise can take someone away from you so sudden. ive never really lost someone so close to me, now i know what it feels like. my mum will be my motivation to life my motivation to be sucsessful. shes my dedication. and from that day forward im going to do her proud. honestly im proud of myself. because being hit with something like this at this age is so hard. i did all things i wanted because i knew i would have said later down the track "i should have just done that.. too late now" but i did it. no regrets what so ever..
i start my new school tomorrow. wish mum was here. she would be telling me to make heaps of friends and make the most. she would give me her support. sometimes you get those feelings like oh what would have mum thought of that or something. ive got through the hardest part. but throughout my whole life its still going to be hard. i think they should find a cure to cancer. because its unfair. tbh i think my mums wellbeing kept her going. her determination.. i know it. anyway i better try get some sleep. big day tomorrow. got alot of ahead of me..
reast in peace mummy.
love hannah..
